fences up

Love....relationships.....I really don't know what these words mean.

I mean, I give plenty advice to friends when they need someone to talk to, but I never seem to take it for myself.

Ok, maybe I should start from the beginning.

Well, I won't trace back to middle school, because...well let's face it that was all crap and we didn't know what we were doing back then. (or really now for the matter =/)
Hmmm...in highschool, freshmen year; I met a senior named Hector who was in my choir class. One day, he saw me crying because I just lost my best friend (stupid drama). He tried to make me feel better and he did soooo we became friends. I soon learned though, that he wanted a lot more then a friendship. Of course me being new, I thought sure why not...he's a senior, what's the worse that can happen.....

I NEVER KNEW THAT A GUY COULD GET SOOOO CLINGY. He would do such bazarre things to me like write poems in a binder and tell me to read them while listening to Coldplay?!
I just felt very sufficated. We lived in two different worlds. He was a senior who was getting ready for college and he has plans for me and him to stick it out while he was there; whereas, I was a freshmen just barely learning who the heck she was herself.

Towards the end of the relationship, I would try to find ways to get out. I would fight with him, but everytime i did, he would be the one ending up saying sorry....when I knew it was my fault.

I left horrible.

When I finally realized it had it had to end for good, was when he was apologizing again and said...I LOVE YOU.

Three words I have never said to a guy till this day. You see, I have a strong opinion about this phrase. I feel that now and days, people say it so much that it lost its meaning. I know that the day I finally say that to someone....I'll probably marry him....it means that much to me.

So...when I realized that we felt completely different about each other, it had to end.

It wasn't until three years later that I saw him again. I was at my new bestfriend's graduation and he sneaked behind me. We must have talked for 5 minutes and that was it...or so I thought. I think two days later, I was getting ready to go out of town for state competition with my bestfriend. While on the bus, she tells me that apparently when he saw me, all the emotions came back and he wanted a second chance....what?! Till this day I still don't get that. =/

The reason why I'm explaining this part of my life is because i'm convinced that because of these events in my past....I have really bad Karma

ugh...will be continued

learned a lot

I set a few goals for me back in December, of how I wanted drastic change in my life. I was very tired of my old routine, since...highschool.

You see, i have been performing for many years, in hopes of having a future in singing or broadway. It's a very strong passion of mine and i've met many people in my life who I charish for all my life. I started doing professional dinner theater shows when I was a senior in highschool in El Paso, so by freshmen year in college, I was pretty customed to it all. It just started seeming the all the time. Yes, i'm grateful that all the shows i've done, I always made it and even was precasted at times, but i felt that I hit the tip of the hill and now what?

just keeping as well...a dream....a distant dream.
So, i decided to make a change. I want to be able to say that i to action of my dreams then
I first chosed to stop doing dinner theater shows and only go to school and work. My grades improved sooooo much because I was more focused and I am able to work and make great tips as a server. During the semester, I looked into the Disney college program because i've always had an interest in it, but wasn't sure if I was ready.

My bestfriends and I always said we were going to get out together and they were interested in the program as well, but it was always just talk and no action. i just felt like excuses always got in the way. I love them with all my heart, but I knew it was time to break from the pack and adventure on my own.

So now i'm going to Florida by myself for 6 months....and I couldn't be happier and blessed.